Dear All
Many thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year.
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about cockroach eggs in the glue on envelopes
because I now have to use a wet cloth with every envelope that needs sealing
Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the
hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
But all that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill
Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program .....
Best bit of luck is the letter from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants
to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died
intestate.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's
novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only
get answered if I forward your special e-mails to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola, because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man
along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone
bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under
the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the five pound note I found dropped in the car park because
it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg or something
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with
diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest
your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.
I know all this is true because it actually happened
to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's
beautician.
Whilst the pills have not worked yet they sure tasted good
Not quite got the hang of the gadgets and aids but bet they are good when I do it right
Thanks for all the advise an viruses I spent 10 sleepless nights at my computer waiting for it to happen
By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ
who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on there mouse.
TOO LATE!!!!!!
Don't bother taking it off now,
Must dash I need to send this to the others
Thanks for all your advice
