Doctors - gotta love 'em
Actual notes from Doctors on their patient's charts...
• Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. • On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely. • She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. • The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me. • The patient is tearful an crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. • Discharge status: Alive but without permission. • Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-ol male. Mentally alert but forgetful. • The patient refused an autopsy. • The patient has no past history of suicides. • Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital. • Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. • Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. • Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. • Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up. • She is numb from her toes down. • While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. • The skin was moist and dry. • Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches. • Paitent was alert and unresponsive. • Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. • She stated that she has been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. • I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. • Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. • The patient was to have a bowel re-section. However, he took a job as a lawyer instead. • Skin: Somewhat pale but present. • The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor. • Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. • Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. • Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities |
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